Ruminations on Geography

Thoughts while reading a blog on the top 5 sports figures from 20 different cities:

Why do people from the mny suburbs around Dallas say they’re from Dallas?  It bugs the Hell out of me, mostly because when I tell people I grew up in Dallas, I then invariably have to answer the question “Where in Dallas?”  Dallas you knob!  Did I stutter?  I understand when you tell people you’re from Grand Prairie, you will then have to specify where that is.  But you’re the one from the relatively pointless suburb, not me.  You deserve the extra work for your parents’ sin of not living in a more noteable town.

If you live in a suburb, be proud of your suburb.  I’m sure Garland has many things going for it.  I don’t know what any of them are, but you ought to.  Tell people you live iin Garland.  If you want to avoid the “Where’s that?” question, than say, “I live in Garland, a suburb of Dallas.”  Easier for everybody, and we’re not robbing people with more important conversations to have of needed oxygen.  Remember, every time you say something stupid, it adds carbon dioxide to the atmosphere.  Wonder what the effect would be on the greenhouse effect and global warming if stupid people weren’t allowed to talk so much?

This discussion always leads into another pet peeve.  The next question (especially if my interrogator is from anywhere near Dallas/Ft. Worth) is “Where did you go to high school?”  I answer “Richardson.”  I’m not going to go into the argument of people who then claim I grew up in Richardson instead of Dallas.  I went to Richardson High School, but lived in a Dallas address.  It’s still on my driver’s license if you want to see proof.  What bugs me is when people then ask, “Oh, you mean Richardson-Berkner?”  No, if I meant Richardson-Berkner, I would have said Berkner.  I meant Richardson High School.  That’s why I said it.

This problem could be solved if we stopped calling Berkner and Pearce Richardson-Berkner and Richardson-Pearce.  I’m sure L.V. Berkner and J.J. Pearce were great guys and well worth naming a high school after.  But I’ve never heard of one outside the Richardson school district.  So, stop adding the city before it.  Does that make it sound more important?  If you go to Lee High School, I understand you have to say Tyler-Lee.  Otherwise people might think you mean Midland-Lee.  If there is not another school with your same name, you do not have to put the town in front of it.  If you say you went to Judson, I know you meant Converse-Judson.  You don’t have to point it out.  Of course, most people have no idea where Converse is, just that Judson high school is there, and they almost always have kickass running backs.

The school that least needs the city prefix (but almost always uses it) is John Tyler High School.  Of course it’s in Tyler!  When you say Tyler-John Tyler, it sounds like you have a stutter.  I never say I went to Richardson-Richardson.  That would be stupid.  It’s like they’re jealous of Tyler-Lee’s extra honorific and must compensate with a needless one of their own.  Of course, I’m also not a fan of people who call themselves Dr. but can’t prescribe me drugs.  I don’t call myself Bachelor Melton…and not just because it would piss off my wife.

Of all the high schools I have seen, the one that most needs a name change is Jefferson Davis High School.  Not only am I not a fan of J.D., but the Jefferson Davis Runnin’ Rebels are smack in the middle of Oak Cliff, the area in Dallas with the highest percentage of African-American residents.  That was the most PC way I could think of to say that.  The ways I considered and then turned down because you know how I hate to stir controversy were:

• The area of town where the over-privileged, melatonin-challenged teenaers of Plano most fear to drive through.
• An area of town so dark that the sun only shines there two hours a day.
• An area of town so black, that the temparature is nearly 6 degrees hotter than the rest of town. (which in my defense is a physics joke, not a racist one)

And for my disclaimer, I’m not a racist.  I just like a clever turn of phrase.  I do not think “nappy-headed hos” is a clever turn of phrase.  It’s ignorant and wrong.  The Rutgers women’s basketball team is seemingly full of intelligent, educated women of high moral upstanding with very nice hair styles.  Now, if Imus had called them the Slutgers women’s basketball team, it would have been clever, if cliche’ in that area of the country.